The heck? I thought that? Dude. I’m totally losing it.
‘No, Earthling, you are not loosing your mind,’ I answered myself haughtily. ‘And no, you did not answer yourself. I simply continued speaking to you. Please except my apology if you feel as though I am being haughty, it’s just that I have an obligation to relate a certain amount of information to you and only a short amount of time to do so. Now, if I may continue…’
‘Um, sure… I guess,’ I answered, more confused than ever. As I held this conversation with myself, Tindo and the other creatures continued cracking themselves up, falling all over the place as they put my friends back in the truck. Were they drunk?
‘Yes, they are drunk,’ I thought.
‘No,’ came an exasperated reply. ‘You did not think that. I spoke it directly to your mind. My name is Balar and I am the legal council for the viral colonists who are, as we speak, setting up a colony in your sinus. My job is to inform you of your right to…’
‘Wooooah,’ I thought, ‘Wait a minute. You’re a virus? A talking germ? I’m being infected?’
‘See here, Earthling,’ returned the indignant Balar. ‘There is no need for name calling. I resent the connotations of the word germ. And your crass use of the word infected. But I will forgive your ignorance because I realize that you come from a relatively young species. Now, may I continue to explain your rights to you?’
‘Do I have a choice?’
‘Sure, we could discuss the weather if you prefer. Only, when we get done, you will not understand your rights and I will get fired for incompetence. I’ll probably have to find a new career, something that would be very difficult at my age. I’m 43 hours old and was hoping to retire in 7 hours. So please, don’t do that to me.’
I was taken aback with this. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…,’ my confused apology trailed off pathetically. ‘Please continue.’
‘Thank you. Now, as I was saying you have the right to maintain separate entity status by refusing to host any species with a separate DNA code from your own. I am allowed, by law, to mention that you currently host three hundred and four different species of organisms in your body. And…’
‘…each of these species can be categorized as playing one of three roles: that of Mutualism, Commensalism, or Parasitism. It’s important to know that mutualism is a relationship between two species that is mutually beneficial. For instance, there are a number of organisms that live in your stomach. They feed on digestive byproducts which, in turn, benefits you by keeping your digestive tract clean and healthy. Commensalism denotes a relationship in which one species takes from another without harming. An example of such a relationship is one of twelve organisms that live on your hair and feed on the oil produced by your scalp. This neither helps nor hurts you in anyway.’