My friends… they were still frozen. Like, really frozen. Not frozen as in ice, but time.
I climbed down and shook Kevin. “Hey, man. Hey! Wake up, dude!”
I waved a hand in front of his eyes. No response. His eyes stayed wide open, staring up at something terrifying. He looked like he was in the middle of screaming.
I looked around. I was… I was in some sort of cargo bay.
HOLY CRAP! I’ve seen this movie before! We’ve been kidnapped by aliens!
Before I could wrap my mind around that, a noise came from behind. A door sliding open.
Desperate, I cast about for someplace to hide. Footsteps approaching. I darted about fifteen feet from the jeep, dove to the ground, and rolled into the opening on a bottom shelf, pulling objects on the ground in front of me.
That’s when I saw… well, an alien. He came strolling right out, looking just like a creature straight off the cover of a Whitley Strieber book. Maybe four feet tall, half of which was his head, with giant dark eyes and small mouth.
Four others stumbled along behind. I mean, that’s how it seemed. That they were stumbling.
Each was very different looking from the other. One was very tall, very slim. Another very hairy. The scariest one was reptilian, like a walking lizard.
I’m dreaming. That’s it. I drank myself into a stupor and passed out. This is just a dream.
I pinched my eyes shut and concentrated hard. My eighth grade algebra teacher, Ms. Russo. Mmm, yeah. Detention. I’ve been very naughty.
I opened my eyes a slit. Dang it. Still stuck in this stupid alien dream.
They had removed Kevin and Jon’s t-shirts and now the tall alien was trying to stuff big Kevin into skinny Jon’s shirt. The aliens were very animated, talking excitedly. It sounded like a noisy jumble of clicks, whistles, and grunts to me.
But whatever they were saying must have been hilarious. I swear, it really seemed like they were laughing. When one of them stuffed Evan’s shoe into Kevin’s mouth, they fell about the place. Yep, they were definitely laughing.
This sparked a new burst of clicks and grunts. And right in the middle of it, I suddenly began to understand: “…totally epic, bro! Oh my god, Tindo, you’re a genius! That dude’s gonna be like, where’s my shoe? And then he’s gonna be all, why you eating my shoe bro?”
They laughed themselves to tears.
‘Greetings Earthling,’ I thought, ‘in accordance to the Viral Peace Accords of 134008, we have established this link to announce our presence in your system and to explain your rights. This link will terminate in exactly 4 and 3/8’s of your minutes. After which we will no longer interfere the outside occurrences of your life, in compliance with the Separate Entity Statute, Section 128, Part 29 of the Equitable Hosting Laws.’